My Twins died 1 day before Father Day ...

I couldn't think of any other day of my life worse than this .... I have a twins, one boy one girl. They were born on the same day. .... little does anyone realize, they died on the same day too.

It all started with a slightly less than usual morning. Every morning they go out for a morning walk. Their elder brother usually go out with them, accompanying them. But that morning was a slightly different morning. Because it was a little bit later than the usual going out time. So I asked them, "Let's not go out today."

They protested, they still want to go out. I asked, "Are you sure?" They nodded. I repeat, "Its Sunday and you guys normally stay home on Sunday morning." They ignored. I gave in, "Alright, you can go out ...."

I let them out. After about 1 hour, the eldest brother came back. So I had to go out look for the younger twos. Youngs always want to play a bit longer. After much pursuing, they came back.

As I though the morning risk is over, suddenly they have strokes .....



and both of them died.

Siaw Huang died first without us even say good bye. Then I had chances to save Siaw Bai. I did, for about 6-7 times resurrecting him from his last breath. But eventually he was exhausted and couldn't wake up anymore.

I kept hearing their voice until today even after their funerals. I know logically they are no longer here. But everytime I hear some puppy barks, I couldn't help myself to wake up in the middle of the night, walked down and see if they are back.

I couldn't think of any other day of my life worse than this .... this happened 1 day before Father's Day ....

It was like just yesterday ...

Sometimes they even play dead ....

What Girlfriend ?

Lets keep at least one sober post in this blog ...

WatGF is inspired by a guy when he was asked "Is that your girlfriend ?"

In respond he answered, "What girlfriend ?"

... and ofcourse a lot of stories happened after that. But apparently, it all started with ...

"When All Things Go Fail ... "

How True can a True Love be ?

we live in a double story house, there are 2 bed rooms on 2nd floor.

One night, she slept in the other room ... I walked over and said, "you should sleep in the other room". She walked over, slept there for a while but then left a while later and went down stair to sleep in living room.

I discovered her disappearance, I walked down stair and found her lying on the living room.

She's rather be down stair sleeping on an uncomfortable sofa ( barely 4 feet length ) and not even bother telling me that she cann't sleep while I was typing on a computer .....

How far more can we go ?

I really worry ....

It takes 2 hands to make a clap .... but it only takes one hand to stop clapping ....

How true can a true love be ?

Middle Age Don't Know Life's goal

"I am a middle age guy and

I don't even know what I want"

Although this is just some statements made while watching Desperate Housewife, Tom actually stop working, stay at home taking care of house chores. After a while, Tom realized that the only thing he really passionate about is his wife. And that is not a good thing for both his wife and himself. Losing a reason to live is not a small matter, especially to a middle age guy who has had some successes in the past.

But I cann't stop thinking how similar my life has been. Sort of reitre since 6 years ago, I live without much worry on money. I exploit myself with great food once in a while, whenever I feel like doing that. I escape from my family and climb the highest peak in South East Asia without really much discussion. I do when I want to do it and I feel like I am king of the world.

And yet there is always something missing. I thought by climbing the peak could help me find myself like it used to in the past. But this time is different. I broke every record I have made, every record all my friends have made and yet there is a void deep inside me.

What is it ?

What could it be that

I haven't figured out yet ?

You may just see this as just rumbling words. But if you are also a guy who retire at early 30's and then wonder if you have done the right thing by late 30's, it may suddenly become not to funny anymore.

Suddenly all those people who got sucide doesn't seem that rediculous anymore. If you couldn't even figure out what you want to do way pass your mid-life, what more can you do good to yourself and the world ?

Son of the gun, I have no idea if I would be alive after writing this blog. For god's aske, let's just hope this article, if this is my last, be helpful for some who is going through what I am going through now.

when you are not ready to retire,

you better Don't !