Middle Age Don't Know Life's goal

"I am a middle age guy and

I don't even know what I want"

Although this is just some statements made while watching Desperate Housewife, Tom actually stop working, stay at home taking care of house chores. After a while, Tom realized that the only thing he really passionate about is his wife. And that is not a good thing for both his wife and himself. Losing a reason to live is not a small matter, especially to a middle age guy who has had some successes in the past.

But I cann't stop thinking how similar my life has been. Sort of reitre since 6 years ago, I live without much worry on money. I exploit myself with great food once in a while, whenever I feel like doing that. I escape from my family and climb the highest peak in South East Asia without really much discussion. I do when I want to do it and I feel like I am king of the world.

And yet there is always something missing. I thought by climbing the peak could help me find myself like it used to in the past. But this time is different. I broke every record I have made, every record all my friends have made and yet there is a void deep inside me.

What is it ?

What could it be that

I haven't figured out yet ?

You may just see this as just rumbling words. But if you are also a guy who retire at early 30's and then wonder if you have done the right thing by late 30's, it may suddenly become not to funny anymore.

Suddenly all those people who got sucide doesn't seem that rediculous anymore. If you couldn't even figure out what you want to do way pass your mid-life, what more can you do good to yourself and the world ?

Son of the gun, I have no idea if I would be alive after writing this blog. For god's aske, let's just hope this article, if this is my last, be helpful for some who is going through what I am going through now.

when you are not ready to retire,

you better Don't !